Why the MAFS 'experts' paired Alyssa and Chris: working theory

Married at First Sight is a Lifetime “reality” show that asks the question: Can two strangers stay married if a panel of “relationship experts” matches them as compatible?

Throughout the show’s 14th season, currently running on Lifetime, the show has managed to retain a sense of mystery surrounding four of the five Boston couples. But the fifth is a different story: From the moment she walked down the aisle and saw her groom’s slightly crooked teeth, Alyssa Ellman has been all-out of her marriage to Chris Collette.

The question is, why did the so-called experts pair these two people in the first place? Is their judgment really that poor? Or is the show simply looking to maximize its ratings by providing as much drama and conflict as possible?

Before I offer my theory as to what they were thinking, I’ll note that the experts have gotten it wrong three times as often as they’ve gotten it right so far. As of December 2021, just 24% of the couples who got married on the show were still together. That’s hardly surprising. Arranged marriages aren’t common in American culture, so few people have any actual exposure to them, let alone firsthand experience.

Alyssa and Chris a failed experiment?

The show cloaks itself in pseudo-science, calling itself an “experiment,” with film crews providing “documentation” as it progresses. But this kind of language paints a picture of the couples as human lab rats, thrust into a novel situation to find out how they’ll react or perform (in this case, for the cameras). That’s hardly a flattering portrait of the show.

If this were a true experiment, however, the results would have been conclusive long ago: a 24% success rate over 14 seasons isn’t even a decent batting average in the major leagues.

Is the show looking for ratings? Of course it is, or it wouldn’t be on television. But the more specific question here is whether the producers match the couples specifically for ratings or whether they really do want them to succeed. Those two questions don’t need to be mutually exclusive. This season, for instance, they matched Mark and Lindsey, two “big” personalities, doubtless knowing that there would be fireworks — either the good kind or the bad kind.

So far, the couple has hit a few bumpy patches, but they seem to have at least a shot at succeeding.

The same can’t be said for Alyssa and Chris, who most viewers have pegged as headed for divorce almost from the very beginning.

How could the experts (Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Dr. Viviana Coles and Pastor Calvin Roberson) have gotten this one so wrong? If they did any kind of screening at all, they would have known that Alyssa was an extremely picky person (she bought 10 wedding dresses even before she went to the bridal shop, just to be sure she had one she liked) and, therefore, ill-suited for a show like this.

In her defense, the least they could have done was pick someone that mostly met her tastes. But maybe they didn’t know: Alyssa has been notoriously vague and close-mouthed when either Chris or the producers ask her questions on the show, even storming off the set of the Afterparty show when host Keshia Knight Pulliam’s questions started hitting too close to home.

Breaking down MAFS fiasco

It seems to me that the experts either didn’t know how picky Alyssa was (in which case, they didn’t do their homework), that she somehow hid it from them, or that they knew and put her on the show anyway — for one of those same three reasons.

And something tells me they DID know. After all, her family was clear that they wanted someone who could ground her and help her stay calm instead of getting too emotional. That didn’t work out, but even if it had, what was Chris going to get out of it?

Alyssa was presented as a down-to-earth type, but she turned out to be the exact opposite: as high-maintenance as they come. (That’s not meant to be sexist; there are plenty of high-maintenance guys out there, too.)

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Chris, by contrast, was everything the experts said he was: driven to succeed no matter what, and determined to see even the most difficult process to completion. Viewers have seen this trait several times during the show, most recently when he told Alyssa he was all-in if there was just a 1% chance their marriage would succeed. That’s commitment.

And it’s a stunning contrast to Alyssa’s approach: She appears to have decided she didn’t like Chris from the moment she saw him, but wanted to stay on the show anyway. Who wouldn’t want a free trip to Puerto Rico, right? But that’s not the point of the show.

So why did the experts match these two lovebirds? Maybe they didn’t see this coming, in which case they hardly seem like experts for failing to see this coming and getting it so wrong. But assuming they knew both future partners’ character traits (picky on the one hand, committed on the other), the question that cries out to be answered is, “What the hell were they thinking?!?!”

My theory is simple: Maybe they wanted to see what would happen when an irresistible force meets an immovable object. Chris has been all-in from the beginning, while Alyssa has gone so far as to say she hates Chris. She’s insisted the experts got it wrong and warning them about how angry she’ll be if she winds up looking bad. (She even complains about the cameras capturing her meltdowns, as though she didn’t know the whole point of the show was to be on TV.)

But what if the experts didn’t get it wrong — or got it wrong on purpose? What if the “experiment,” in this case, involved matching that irresistible force with the immovable object on purpose to see what would happen? If the irresistible force (Chris) were to win out, they’d have a huge success to celebrate. If the irresistible force (Alyssa) were to win, it would just add another misstep to add to their 76% failure rate. No biggie.

MAFS goal: ratings, ratings, ratings

Either way, there would be fireworks, which make for good TV... and ratings, which is, after all, the name of the game.

I’m not saying I know this is what they were doing. But the experts clearly knew Chris’ level of commitment, and they should have known Alyssa was extremely picky, as well. If they did know, they should never had let her on the show, because matching someone who’s super picky with a total stranger is, well, just plain stupid. If they didn’t know, then they don’t really qualify as experts, because they should have known.

Alyssa is clearly a drama queen, but I really don’t blame her for being upset: The experts put her in a terrible position. She could have, and should have, been a much better sport about it, but she had a right to be pissed. Even so, Chris has even more reason to be upset. He entered into this “experiment” in good faith, played by the rules, and wanted to make things work with Alyssa. He’s even repeatedly complimented her as a fun person to be around.

Some fans say Chris deserves a do-over on MAFS. I disagree. If the experts did such a catastrophically bad job of matching him with Alyssa, there’s no way I would trust them with a second chance if I were in his shoes.

They’re either incompetent or just play heartless, and in either case, they’re the ones who don’t deserve a second chance.

But viewers keep giving them one because, let’s face it, the show’s right about one thing: Drama equals ratings. It’s hard to look away from a train wreck. Hell, I’ll admit it: I’m still watching.

Stephen H. Provost is a former journalist and the author of 40 books, including many on American culture. They’re all available on Amazon.